It is all Melinda’s fault.  She sent me the original link to the first blog I ever read, dooce.com.  The blog was funny and irreverent, chronicling the life of a mom struggling with postpartum depression and life in Utah.  From the beginning Mark thought blogs were voyeuristic, peeking into the lives of people I had no connection with and would never meet.  I thought they were an interesting way to learn from others without being in the same community or state.  We continued our back and forth about blogs; were they good and a new way to form community or were they a forum for spilling too much information about yourself and people close to you?  Isn’t it ironic I now chronicle our journey on a blog???  The irony is not lost on Mark or me.  So, for now, the discussion has been tabled and I am a blogger, sharing our family’s journey through cancer.

It is scary to write and share what I have been learning.  It is so easy for things to sound glib or trite or worse, sound smug and assured.  How do I explain the quiet spaces of the soul or the assurance I have received or the depth of sorrow we have felt?  It is impossible.  I write to name things.  Naming things helps to pin wisps of thoughts and feelings down and hold them.  I write to remember; I don’t want to forget what God has done and how He has loved us.  I know I will.  I will forget my face right after I look in the mirror.  This is a record of His faithfulness in the midst of the storm.  I write to get things out; journaling has been a recurring yet sporadic part of my life.  I always write when things are swirling around me and I need to get the thoughts outside of my head.  I write from a place of brokenness and poverty, knowing that everything good in my life is a gift, not of my own making but of His love for me.  I know I am not a writer; I write from need.  I am so grateful for each of you that reads and keeps us in your heart and prayers.

Again, thank you for journeying with us, for lifting Thomas up.

Thomas went to Suzuki group class with his sisters, did quite a bit of school and practiced today.  We usually take Holy Week off from school but it felt like an absolute treat to do school today without any trips to Denver.  I am not sure the kids felt that way but I sure did!  I even washed my kitchen floor 🙂  Oh the comfort of the mundane!

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