Relief! I started crying driving home from Denver as the relief washed over me and the realization that we were finished for a while really hit me. It has been a long two and a half weeks, with daily trips to Denver for someone in our family and lots of drugs and vomiting and nausea. Thomas received a certificate of completion and a round of applause from the radiation waiting room upon finishing today’s treatment. I sat and looked at all the people filling the waiting room, knowing they are all facing their own battle with disease, too, wondering about their stories…
After reading about, having recommendations and finally being handed a copy of this album, I decided I should listen to it. Love and War and The Sea in Between by Josh Garrels has been playing on our trips almost non-stop, especially track 3 – Farther Along. The refrain,
Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by
has constantly re-played in my mind. It is impossible to make sense of all of this, trying makes me crazy, but I know and believe that we will understand one day, when we are farther along. “Come further up and further in!” the shout of the friends in The Last Battle, reminds me that eternity stretches ahead and these light and momentary troubles will be ended and what seems all-consuming now will pale as we stare into the fulfillment of all desire. The grief over the brokenness of the world and our own sin and frailty will be consumed in His glory. The desire to know and understand stems from a need to control a situation, I think. It is harder and yet more fulfilling to walk moment by moment, not requiring an answer, trusting one will be provided. Not that I do this, but I want to. I want to walk in trust.
The Easter Vigil, a beautiful service recounting God’s salvation plan, is coming. One of my favorite prayers after the reading from Zephaniah 3 states, “… let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which have grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by Him through whom all things were made.” Yes, Lord, may it be so. May Thomas and all those who suffer in body be made new.